Child Psychology Q & A

Paul Kelly is an assistant educational psychologist working in the North West of England. He received a masters degree in educational psychology and is currently studying for a professional doctorate in child and educational psychology at the University of Manchester.

Paul works part-time for a Local Education Authority and part-time conducting private work. He is a member of the AEP (Association of Educational Psychologists) and the BPS (British Psychological Society).

He is experienced in individual therapeutic work with children and teenagers, conducting psychological assessments, and offering support and advice to parents and schools. (All answers provided are based on the information provided and do not in any way replace a full consultation.)

Q. Our six-year-old boy has become a nightmare when we’re out shopping. He throws a tantrum within minutes on entering a shop, saying he wants to go home. I am finding it almost impossible to take him to the shops now. I buy my groceries online but there are still times when I need to physically go into the shops. I'm not sure how to overcome the problem.

Sam, Gorton

A. Having a child throwing a tantrum in a shop is a stressful experience for parents; they are busy and need to finish the shopping. Other people may start to stare and parents can often feel judged at this point, as though their every move is being evaluated by onlookers. In these situations I advise parents that their child is not the first to have a tantrum in the shop and certainly won't be the last.

Shopping trips like this are all down to preparation. Firstly are your expectations realistic? A six-year-old can find an hours shopping overwhelming if there is no structure to it for them. To add structure it may be useful to give the child a list which you have prepared before (with simple words or pictures). By getting your child to look out for a few items they will be kept busy and engaged. Also introduce a 'treat' into the shopping trip. You could try explaining to your son, before you go out together, that if he helps in the shop then he will be able to go in the toy shop afterwards, or into the cafe etc. If a tantrum point is reached it is important to deal with it calmly and carefully. The main object is to ignore the tantrum behaviour and disregard the views of onlookers. If you ignore the shouting and screaming it will stop quite quickly and when it does it is time to re-engage the child in helping or remind them of the treat to come.

Q. My daughter is seven-years-old and still carries a comfort blanket. She brings it to school with her and has already been at the receiving end of some pretty nasty name-calling and bullying. She still insists on taking the blanket with her though. She needs to get out of the habit completely. How do I get her to stop?

Abby, Castlefield

A. It is a shame that your daughter has been on the receiving end of bullying and name calling and firstly it may be worth discussing this with the teacher as his/her support in school will be vital to eradicate this undesirable behaviour.

It may be that your daughter is sending a message that she still needs the comfort of something while she is away from you and it may be useful to consider ways to meet that need whilst helping her not to feel too different in school. I wouldn't rush to get your daughter to 'stop' as this may create other problems as she may feel insecure as a result. Would there be another item she could take into school which would be smaller and more discreet? Sometimes parents give their child something of theirs to look after at school each day; this may be worth a try.

A.Night time fears are a normal development at this age for children and your daughter will have been reassured that you are taking these seriously. If you are wanting to break the cycle of her coming into your bed then it might be worth taking her back to her room in the night. She may need reassurance that there are no monsters in there and it may involve you staying with her at her bedside or in her bed to comfort her. By affirming her when she has been able to sleep in her own bed (even with you there) you will be able to help her to feel that she is in control and can cope with the situation with help and support.

Q. We have just got a new babysitter for our ten-month-old baby. Could you advise the best way to introduce him to the babysitter?

Kelly, Altrincham

A. At least one pre-visit will be really helpful in developing the relationship between the babysitter and the baby to help them feel secure. The pre-visit and the babysitting day should follow the same pattern and should be a happy occasion.

Talk about the babysitter using his/her name in a positive way with a cheerful voice before they visit. Help your baby to feel secure when the babysitter arrives by holding baby, but you could also give some physical contact with babysitter (eg. handshake or kiss on the cheek, if appropriate), and this will show baby that this person is trustworthy. Then you could ask the babysitter to hand a favourite toy or snack to your baby - again while you are holding him. If you are tense, your baby will pick this up so try to be as relaxed and positive as you can. Even chatting with the babysitter over a cup of tea while the baby plays near you will help them to feel secure. On the day when you are going out it will probably work better if you keep your 'goodbye' as short as possible and leave without hesitation, this way if your baby does cry he should be more easily consoled or distracted by the babysitter. In general, the more relaxed and positive you are about the event, the more positively your baby will respond.