Mum on a mission (week 7)

Week two of the holidays and a few more observations to be had readers...

There is not now and nor will there ever be a gracious way in which to dismount a camel.

Camel rides look like fun – they’re not.

I am brave enough to have this size 14 butt photographed in a bikini and posted online. Brave enough or stupid enough? It’s a pretty thin line.

When I was 15 I considered ‘holiday rep’ as a viable career option and aside from the mood swings, bad attitude and general nonchalance to anything other than Nirvana and The Doors, I think I’d have been quite good at it. But there’s no way they’d have got me in one of those t-shirts. I’m sure my 15-year-old self would have considered that “like a total violation of my human rights”.

The anti-histamine injection to combat the elephantitis of various parts of my body post mosquito-bite apparently must be administered in the arse in the middle of a pharmacy in broad daylight and whilst I’m wearing a maxi dress which I have to hitch up to the waist. (I’ll bet they gave Cheryl Cole a seat when the mozzies took her down).

When a repeat visit to the same pharmacist for the same injection in the same butt cheek results in him giving you a free lipstick it’s either a compliment on the old rump or perhaps more likely an indicator that mum needs to stop wearing that low cut maxi dress.

It doesn’t matter if it’s the family scavenger hunt, the egg drop or the three-year-olds play off Mallet’s Mallet - Team Ice Cream ALWAYS play to win.

I’d agree that at times my parental judgement is unorthodox but I’d far rather have my son spend his evenings in a Bedouin Cafe discussing African life with the Egyptian natives and their shisha pipes than assembling Happy Meal toys in McDonalds.

There’s something truly beautiful about the way our children embrace new friendships. There are no suspicions, no questions and no conditions just a desire to share a wonderful experience with another soul. The leaders of this world could learn a lot from them.

I am brave enough to have this size 14 butt photographed in a bikini and posted online. Brave enough or stupid enough? It’s a pretty thin line.

When you’ve been warned about sub zero conditions in the UK – it might be wise to travel home in more than a chiffon dress and flip flops.

After spending the whole holiday discussing the month long detox you’re embarking on “as soon as these feet step off that plane”, the first thing you’ll do “as soon as your feet step off the plane” is postpone it.

When you’re almost late for your first day back at work because your skinny jeans won’t go past your calves it’s time to rethink that detox date.